


The Phantom Thieves' Hellserver: The Epic Saga

by soniagiris



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Canon Compliant, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Gen Work, Humor, M/M, Memes, Niijima Makoto/Okumura Haru - Background, Spoilers until Late November, Swearing, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-01-31 07:17:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12677034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soniagiris/pseuds/soniagiris
Summary: boss baby:I love you guys. My beloved messed-up thievin' kidsIn which Futaba introduces her friends (and Inari) to Discord dot com.





	1. Greatest Idea of the Night (Worst Idea of the Morning)

**Author's Note:**

> lol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **queen:** So, this is what I get for not ensuring you go to sleep, huh.
> 
>  
> 
> Sometimes, you gotta think before you create a group chat for your thief friends at two in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * warnings in the end notes! o/
>   * beta by misty @mistropolis and vee @ikuzonos, thank you c:
> 


_ Welcome to the beginning of the **#general** channel. _

 

**memejed:** fucking shit of a fuck

 

_ boss baby _ _ joined your party. _

_ boneless _ _ just arrived. Seems OP - please nerf.  _

_ lesbiann _ _ just slid into the server. _

_ Challenger approaching -  _ _ inari _ _ has appeared! _

_ queen _ _ is here to kick butt and chew bubblegum. And  q _ _ ueen _ _ is all out of gum. _

_ Cheers, love!  _ _ black flower _ _ 's here! _

 

**memejed:** there we goo

**queen:** Futaba. It's two in the morning. 

**memejed:** and

**queen:** And? Go to sleep instead of hacking our phones, please!

**memejed:** listen i wouldnt have to hack em if u shits had discord accs ok :ok:

**boneless:** why is this my username???

**queen:** Ryuji. Bed.

**boneless:** yeah yeah off i eff

**queen:** Futaba. That still does not explain why you created this chat at such an early hour.

**memejed:** bc a) we gotta hide our shit from the shitbird and b) i cant fucking sleep

**memejed:** besides its a server not a chat

**queen:** Have you tried drinking some herbal tea to calm down?

**memejed:** makoto listn do i look like inari to u??? or maybe haru??????

**memejed:** besides ur awake too :thinking:

**queen:** ...please don't stay up until too late. Goodnight.

**memejed:** yeah bye have nice gay dreams while i turn this shitfuck into less of a shitfuck

**inari:** What is this application.

**memejed:** why r u here werent u supposed to sleep at akiras

**inari:** I was supposed to spend the night at his place. No one mentioned sleeping.

**boneless:** rawr xddd

**memejed:** die

**inari:** Ryuji? Where did that come from?

**boneless:** RAWR XDDD

**memejed:** go tf to sleep or ill dye ur dumbass punk hair green

**inari:** Hm. I think I now understand what caused such reaction. Knowledge truly can be a curse, not a blessing.

**memejed:** ryuji gtfo or inari and i will make an ace kid fighting club and kick ur sorry ass

**memejed:** ok hes offline from what i can tell so now back to my question

**inari:** Before we reached the Leblanc, Akira and I have went for a small walk in Inokashira park, which has proven beneficial for my inspiration - therefore, I have declined sleep in order to convey my memories into a new painting.

**memejed:** u couldve just told that ur busy nerding out instead of going all poetic on me yknow

**lesbiann:** hello, you two!

**inari:** Nerding out?

**memejed:** and now with 1 gay and 1 lesbian this hellserver has acquired balance

**lesbiann:** haha, i guess!!

**memejed:** i thought ull be pissed abt ur nick

**lesbiann:** well, it is actually true, so why should i be pissed?

**inari:** Hello, Ann.

**lesbiann:** hi there, yusuke c: how are you?

**inari:** Very well. My newfound spring of illumination has yet to dry out, so I cannot complain. And how are you faring? I hope Futaba and I haven't woken you up with our conversation.

**lesbiann:** nah, it's ok!!! actually, i'm talking to shiho right now so that's why i'm not asleep c;

**memejed:** shiho….. the legendary gee ef

**memejed:** fuck she sounds hella from what ur telling us i wish i knew her irl

**inari:** Likewise.

**lesbiann:** haha, maybe one day all of us pthieves + supporters can meet!!!

**inari:** Not to bring down the mood, but I'm afraid that will have to happen after we defeat Akechi…

**lesbiann:** heck, you're right :// ughhh, i wish we could just. have it all behind us, you know???

**memejed** : actually akechis the reason i created this server so we can thank him for that at least

**inari:** I'd rather not thank him for anything.

**lesbiann:** same honestly,,, whenever i think about our plan, i feel so sick and scared for akira…….. hh hope it'll go well

**memejed:** it has to go well

**inari:** There is no other option.

**boneless:** im jstu hehre to sya tha t im baisicallyy lslep but smae

**memejed:** rip in shit ryuji

**black flower:** Oh , hello everyone !

**lesbiann:** hi, haru  <333

**inari:** Hello there, Haru. It's nice to see you.

**memejed:** this hellserver just got 10000% purer now that harus here

**memejed:** (also i love that yall can tell who she is right away im so proud of myself and my memes)

**black flower:** Forgive me for butting in , but I wanted to say that , after this Akechi-kun case is done over with , we surely will be able to go spend time together ! It is going to happen , I promise !!!

**memejed:** hhhh hh PU  RE

**lesbiann:** thank you, haru ;;

**inari:** Your kind words truly are the balm for one's soul. 

**black flower:** Oh , you flatter me … （ﾉ｡≧◇≦）ﾉ

**memejed:** NO EMOJIS

**inari:** Oh, I got that reference.

**lesbiann:** what reference o:

**memejed:** ok story time fudgers 1 time inari showed up at leblanc all fucking ready to hang out w/ akira (read: do gay shit) but it turned out that akira was fucking Gone bc he was either helping out our drug dealer or doing sketchy shit w/ our guns dealer

**memejed:** so inari was moping like a little Bitch and i had no other choice but to take him home and let him watch me play a game and 'no emojis' is the reference to it

**memejed:** and thats all im gonna say so yall find out which game it is and play it for urselves bc its hella

**lesbiann:** anyway…..

**memejed:** :sunglasses: :gun:

**black flower:** Oh , aren't those emojis too , Futaba-chan ?

**memejed:** NO THOSE ARE WORKS OF ART

**inari:** Why is this bespectacled person being shot?

**memejed:** :fox: :gun:

**memejed:** thats u now inari u uncultured swine how dare u diss my handcrafted nihilistic memes consider urself dead bitch im coming to get u

**lesbiann:** WOW

**black flower:** Oh dear …

**boss baby:** Hey guys what the fuck

**boss baby:** Imagine this: you wake up at ass am to hear something crashing down, so you walk down the stairs to the cafe (because your life hates you and your new home is an attic above a cafe) to see your lovely, sleep-deprived boyfriend frowning at his phone, with bright blue oil paint spilled all over his bare legs. 

**boss baby:** Because that scenario is what i didn't have to imagine, considering i have just experienced it.

**boss baby:** Say something please. Turn on your location, i just wanna talk

**boss baby:** And btw what the fresh hell is my nick

**lesbiann:** i don't think i've ever heard you speak so much :0c

**boss baby:** It's cause i'm not speaking, i'm texting

**lesbiann:** :thumbsup: 

**lesbiann:** those emojis are quite cute c:

**boss baby:** Anyway i'm gonna get yusuke cleaned up while y'all better go to sleep

**black flower:** Allow me a small digression : what Akira-kun said now reminds me of what Mona-chan often said when he lived with me …

**memejed:** oh big worm hat

**boss baby:** I don't know what that means, futaba, and i don't think i want to know

**boss baby:** And thanks, haru, i guess, morgana does seem to be the most responsible person of our group (no offense to your girlfriend, though)

**black flower:** In this case , goodnight , my dear friends !

**lesbiann** : yeah, i better go snnz too, shiho's starting to yell at me too 

**lesbiann:** goodnight!!!

**memejed:** yall r weak

**boss baby:** Futaba

**memejed:** w/e im gonna snooze too idc anymore

**memejed:** bye heathens i hope yall dream of akechi doing a macarena

**boss baby:** Why are you like this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonus:
> 
>  
> 
> **memejed:**  
>  ive got an even better idea  
>   
>  **memejed:**  
>  :fire: :fox: :fire:  
>   
>  **boss baby:**  
>  Futaba.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> a/n
> 
>   * comment/kudo if you read/liked, 
>   * *takes a deep sip of dishwashing liquid* yes, yes, i know that everyone and their mother hates group chat fics. yes, i should focus on my thirty wips instead. and yes, i am so- haha SIKES. i'm not sorry. writing this fic was very entertaining. actually, it's been the most fun i've had in, like, 84 years.
>   * if you recognize the game footbaba is talking about, do say so c: tip: check my avatar.
>   * hmu at my twitter/tumblr if you wanna o/
> 



	2. Ryuji 'Skull' Sakamoto Keeps Getting Fuckign Wasted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **queen:** Why are you all like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * beta by mimi @mistropolis and silv @SilveredFox, thank you c:
>   * warnings in the end notes
> 


_ #general _

 

**lesbiann:** huh. so this chat wasn't a fever dream in the end

**memejed:** ITS A SERVER NOT A CHAT

**boneless:** but theres only one channel so its a chat

**boneless:** mishima has a discord so i asked him abt it and he agreed with me

**boneless:** its a chat

**memejed:** the npc……. grrr :gun: :eyes:

**memejed:** 1 second

 

_ Welcome to the beginning of #pee-your-pants-skull chat. _

 

**boneless:** hey!!!!!!!!!!!

**memejed:** there u go

**lesbiann:** (pats ryuji)

**boneless:** thanks??? i guess

**memejed:** noobs

**queen:** Good morning, everyone!

**queen:** Futaba, please consider changing the name of this… channel.

**memejed:** killjoy

**queen:** Futaba.

**memejed:** makoto

**memejed:** ok ok imma repurpose it 

 

_ #imageboard _

 

**memejed:** https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C-c9Pi6W0AEjF_4.jpg

**memejed:** ryuji im setting ur avatar to this

**boneless:** HGFDFGHGF NOT HIM

**lesbiann:** IS RYUI DYINGDB

**boss baby:** Too late for that

**memejed:** ryuji sakamoto found dead in miami

**boneless:** eff you

**memejed:** hi boss baby

**boss baby:** @boneless#1943 roses are red, violets are blue, omae wa mou shindeiru

**lesbiann:** whAT THE HECK

**boneless:** what does that even mean you know i cant english

**queen:** Guys.

**boss baby:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dq5akYdtW6E

**memejed:** lame

**lesbiann:** IT'S TOE ARLY  FOR STYFF LIKE THTAT

**boss baby:** Boom

**queen:** Akira!

**boss baby:** Okay, i'll go offline in, like 5 minutes, reception in trains sucks (btw yusuke says hi)

**queen:** Say hi to him too. 

**lesbiann:** and from me as well c:

**memejed:** kick him in the ass for me uwu uwu sparky emoji

**boos baby:** Okay; okay; nope

**memejed:** ur refusal to practise violence is fucking aphobic

**memejed:** im ace and ur inconveniencing me w/ it

**boss baby:** Cry me a river then

**boneless:** pghhf

**queen:** A

**memejed:** fuck u

**lesbiann:** h

**queen:** Akira?

**boss baby:** I woke up at 2am to take my bf to a bath house, went back to sleep, then got up at 6am bc mona was hungry. I'm running exclusively on boss's coffee and spite

**boss baby:** And gayness

**memejed:** mood worm

**boss baby:** Anyway, see you at school, i'm hopping into the train

**queen:** I better disconnect too. 

**boneless:** so were alone here huh ann

**memejed:** hi there fellow fuckers

**boneless:** bye

**lesbiann:** wow.

**memejed:** im changing his avatar to sans-kun w/e

 

_ #general _

 

**bakamaki:** whoo!!! :confetti:

**memejed:** wth ann

**memejed:** u dont appreciate my work????

**bakamaki:** shiho insisted

**inari:** Hello, Ann, Futaba.

**inari:** I seem to have missed quite a bit of an interesting conversation.

**black flower:** So have I …

**queen:** 'Interesting' may be a wrong term.

**memejed:** sup suckers

**memejed:** and haru

**queen:** Why am I a 'sucker' too?

**memejed:** got in the way of my memes

**inari:** As far as I can tell, Futaba appears to be very fervid about these memes of hers.

**black flower:** She truly does seem so ! We should support her passions , Yu - kun !

**boss baby:** Please don't, she keeps spamming me with creepy kabedons

**boss baby:** And i just saw chouno kabedoning kawakami. Error in the matrix

**boneless:** WHAT

**boneless:** for real????

**bakamaki:** is any woman in tokyo straight?

**bakamaki:** (looks at you all) scratch that, is  _ anyone  _ in tokyo straight?

**boneless:** i am

**bakamaki:** sure, jan

**inari:** Kabedon?

**boss baby:** I'll show it to you later :sunglasses:

**inari:** Jan?

**boss baby:** And i don't think chouno did it on purpose, but who knows  

**queen:** By the way, where are you three? Haru made lunch for our group.

**inari:** Lucky you…

**memejed:** jfc did u spend all ur cash on paint again

**memejed:** u totally did huh u loser

**inari:** But I didn't say anything!

**memejed:** u just used an exclamation mark

**memejed:** busted

**bakamaki:** i think it's my turn to take him for a dinner c:

**boss baby:** Thank you, but don't worry about it. We're going to mementos after school to take care of a few requests, then i'll make him curry 

**boss baby:** Ok, i'm at the rooftop with the best girls, @boneless#1943 and @bakamaki#8220 where are you

**bakamaki:** he's getting us soda

**bakamaki:** oh, and thanks for telling us about mentos

**bakamaki:** *mementos dang it

**memejed:** mmmm mentos

**boss baby:** Mentos

**bakamaki:** would you stop that?!?!

**black flower:** Mentos …

**queen:** Haru!

**bakamaki:** anyway we're here

**inari:** Have a pleasing meal.

**memejed:** '...while i eat shit' inari probably

**inari:** That jab of yours wasn't neither funny nor true. Togo-san has gifted me with a sandwich a mere moment ago.

**black flower:** Oh ! Isn ' t she the one who teaches Akira - kun shogi ? ∑（´△｀○）

**queen:** Akira has more connections that I thought possible - and he's using them like that. To feed his boyfriend.

**boss baby:** Listen, i'd rather not have our best heavy hitter passing out during the mementos trip, ok?

**inari:** Thank you.

**boss baby:** No problem :sunglasses:

 

_ This it the beginning of your direct message history with  _ **_@queen_ ** _. _

 

**queen:** Did you tell Akechi about our plans?

**boss baby:** I'll tell him after school ends

**queen:** And ruin his plans for the afternoon, huh.

**boss baby:** He can suck it

**boss baby:** This is very childish, but i kinda want to make his life as hard as i can until the deadline

**boss baby:** And learn how he reacts to stress, too 

**boss baby:** But mostly to piss him off, just the tiniest bit

**boss baby:** Two birds with one stone, huh

**queen:** I see.

**boss baby:** :)

**queen:** …:)

**queen:** Do focus on the class, please.

 

_ #general _

 

**memejed:** petition that akira summons mara irl  & slaps akechi in the face w/ it

**boneless:** you have my signature

**boneless:** piece of stuck-up know-it-all shit of a eff ughhhhh i hope he spills grape juice on his dumbass white outfit stupid punk aaaa!!!!

**black flower:** I must admit I relate to what Ryuji - kun said .... 

**boneless:** //highfives haru

**black flower:** High - fives you back ?

**memejed:** 'people look @ me when i buy a singular apple' well how abt u stick that apple up ur egocentric ass

**queen:** Okay, I'm back.

**black flower:** Hello there ! How is your sister , Mako - chan ?

**queen:** She's tired, but grateful for the pie.

**black flower:** She 's very welcome, haha ! I hope she enjoys it !

**bakamaki:** did someone say apple pie

**boneless:** just pie that haru baked for her future sister-in-law bc shes the best of us all lets be real

**boneless:** u gotta scroll up for apples

**bakamaki:** oh, i see now……you were talking about akechi, huh

**bakamaki:** sorry, but i can't help but feel a bit. sad about him?

**memejed:** sorry but i cant help but only feel v :knife: :gun: :eyes: abt him

**bakamaki:** mmm…….

**inari:** Ann, he killed people.

**bakamaki:** we're not 100% sure about that

**inari:** In less than two weeks, he may kill Akira.

**bakamaki:** guess that's true……..

**inari:** He has a Persona, thus we cannot say his heart is distorted. He knows what he's doing. Therefore, I cannot find it in myself to truly pity him, nor hate him. He does not deserve that.

**bakamaki:** sorry but idk

**black flower:** I apologize for interjecting , but I think this is okay , Ann - chan ! Feelings are a complicated matter … Even though he might ' ve killed my Father , I cannot truly hate Akechi - kun either …

**queen:** Haru…

**memejed:** okay okay but i still say fuck this guy

**boneless:** eff him

**memejed:** oh my god ryuji!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! watch ur fucking language!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! geez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

_ This is the beginning of a private chat with  _ **_@bakamaki_ ** _ and  _ **_@black flower_ ** _. _

 

**boss baby:** To be honest? Despite the fact that i shit on him a lot, i feel bad about Akechi too

**boss baby:** If he didn't want to, like, probably kill me or stuff, i'd gladly befriend him

**black flower:** Oh , Akira - kun …

**bakamaki:** (hugs you tightly)

**boss baby:** It's okay, guys, let's go back to the main server before futaba notices we're gone and thinks we're cheating on her with a different server

**bakamaki:** :grimacing:

 

_ #general _

 

**boss baby:** I am not summoning mara for any akechi-related violence though

**memejed:** summon ur dick akira

**memejed:** free it

**boss baby:** Futaba: "i'm ace!!!!"

**boss baby:** Also futaba: says shit like this.

**boneless:** to be honest

**memejed:** what am i not allowed to make dirty jokes

**boss baby:** No, of course you're allowed, i'm just surprised

**boss baby:** You're ace and you make them; yusuke is ace too and gets half-confused, half-embarrassed whenever he sees one

**memejed:** 2 kinds of ace people

**boss baby:** I'm demi and i don't mind them

**memejed:** 3 kinds then

**memejed:** just like 3 kinds of wlw - soft like haru

**memejed:** femme like ann

**memejed:** punk like makoto

**queen:** I'm not punk though.

**boneless:** suuure, ms punk rock apocalyptic biker rebel

**memejed:** 1 kind of a bitch baby - ryuji

**boneless:** :(

**memejed:** go die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n
> 
>   * **cw: light nsfw text (bc mara)** , ryuji sakamoto continues on his quest to describe what he'd do to akechi.
>   * comment/kudo if you read/liked o/
>   * yeah i. i am back. after a few months. lemme tell you, i'm tired as fuck. (oh, and btw - there was supposed to be a bonus, but it. it kind of disappeared when i was moving this shit around. sorry)
>   * i've noticed that, in one of the gc fics i follow, ann's nickname is 'lesbiann', so that's another reason (besides being gay) she changed it here. *dabs while making a split on a street light*
>   * akira being demi is a hc i borrowed from @klavgavtrash - check out her fics, they saved my life more than once!
>   * one time, akira went to visit yusuke in his dorms and found him eating bean sprouts with a plastic spoon stolen from a diner and dissociating. ever since then, ann and haru share the duty of taking him for a lunch once a week - in return, they get sweet little doodles of their respective girlfriends.
>   * did you know: that in my mother tongue, the ':)' emoji is called 'the smile of hatred'? i think it fits.
>   * also - i've watched a video about japanese memes and found out that most of the western, tumblr/twitter-born memes are not as common in japan as depicted in a lot of gc fics. but, hey, artistic license. (let's ignore the fact i use 2017 memes, even tho the fic happens in late 2016). that's your meme trivia, my good people.
> 



	3. Let's Get Fucked Up! ft #GetFutabaToStop2k16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **bakamaki:** y'all worry me sometimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * beta by misty @mistropolis, thank you c:
>   * content warnings in the end notes!
> 


_ #imageboard _

 

**boss baby:** 20161110_173234.jpg @black flower#9129

**boss baby:** 20161110_173252.jpg @black flower#9129

**black flower:** Oh dear !!! Such blessing photos !!!

**boss baby:** 20161110_173304.jpg @black flower#9129

**boss baby:** 20161110_173402.jpg @black flower#9129

**black flower:** Aww ! =。:.ﾟ٩(๑>ω<๑)۶:.｡+ﾟ

**queen:** Guys, it's almost eleven in the evening, Akira should be asleep and Haru should be here with me, also asleep, so. Why do I see you two online?

**queen:** Wait a second...

**queen:** Akira, how did you get so many cat pictures?

**boss baby:** :3c

**memejed:** perish

**black flower:** Oh , my apologies , Mako - chan … I ' ll be right back !!!

**queen:** Don't worry, sweetheart. ♥

**boss baby:** While our local lesbians are busy practicing lesbianism, lemme quote makoto, futaba. Why the hell are  _ you  _ online

**memejed:** pfft u asking me????? rly

**memejed:** and makoto didnt say hell

**memejed:** u succ @ quoting

**queen:** Hey!

**boss baby:** Futaba. You promised you'll go to bed early tonight

**memejed:** …

**queen:** Futaba.

**boss baby:** Futaba.

**memejed:** futaba? idk her

 

_ @quen _

 

**queen:** I must go now. Will you two be okay?

**boss baby:** Don't worry, i'll take care of this gremlin

 

_ #imageboard _

 

**queen:** Well, in any case - goodnight, Futaba, Akira.

**memejed:** hi there fellow thieves my name is  _ loud honking noise _ but feel free to call me  _ a distant explosion sounds off  _

**boss baby:** Are you okay?

**memejed:** fuck u

**memejed:** so what if im not ok but on the brink of a fucking panic attack bc yay yay in 3 days ill have to save my friend from getting murdered nd if i fail hell be dead & ill lose a brother & my friend will lose his bf & we all will have to leave the country or smth to escape a guy wholl prolly be a prime minister by that time nd all of this is such a fun fucking concept to ponder on hahahahahaha _ hahahahahah _

**boss baby:** Oh.

**boss baby:** I'm so sorry, futaba

**memejed:** dont u dare fucking apologize kurusu it aint ur fucking fault ok

**boss baby:** Still, it's not fair to you

**memejed:** life isnt fair

**memejed:** but srsly dw im fine

**boss baby:** You don't sound fine. Do you want to come to leblanc?

**memejed:** isnt inari there w/ u

**boss baby:** He is, but i don't think he'd mind

**memejed:** idk but dw dw its ok!!!! stfu!!!!!!! im ok af

**boss baby:** One second

**boss baby:** Futaba? It's me, Yusuke.

**memejed:** :gun: :eyes:

**boss baby:** I do not know what has occurred, but Akira has asked me to reassure you that I wouldn't disapprove of your presence here.

**boss baby:** He's correct, of course, fear not. If you need to talk to any of us in person, feel perfectly free to come do so right away.

**boss baby:** Oh, and please don't shoot me.

**memejed:** grrr

**boss baby:** Yo, i'm back

**boss baby:** See? It's fine

**memejed:** thanks but no thanks i just wanna stay in my room & watch dumb meme videos

**boneless:** dumb meme videos?

**memejed:** summoned

**boss baby:** Hi there

**boneless:** waddup

**memejed:** not much just me bein emo

**boneless:** being emo is for losers!!! be punk rock yo

**memejed:** /block ryuji

**boneless:** hey

**boss baby:** Please don't block ryuji, my life would be meaningless without him

**boneless:** bro

**boss baby:** bro

**memejed:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1d7Llx4rm8 its ur song u two

**boneless:** WHY

**boss baby:** Lame

**memejed:** :gun: :poop:

**boneless:** NOW ITS STUCK IN MY HEAD

**memejed:** rip in shit

**memejed:** hey akira set this as ur ringtone

**boss baby:** If I were to do that, and someone called me during, let's say, my work hours, i would probably die, so thanks, but no, thanks

**bakamaki:** is there a lesbian version of this thing tho?????

**memejed:** ann asking the real question

**boss baby:** https://i.pinimg.com/736x/ee/3a/31/ee3a31200fc1d776a3cff6dfeb8d5a8d--bro-meme-so-funny.jpg @boneless#1943

**boneless:** brO

**boneless:** NO HOMO BRO

**boss baby:** No homo…. full bi

**memejed:** grrr pinterest source

**boss baby:** I merely googled 'bro memes', why are you so mad?

**bakamaki:** what's wrong with that link??? o:

**memejed:** pinterest is the fuckin hellpit of reposts & stolen art

**memejed:** yo boss baby

**boss baby:** I have a name

**memejed:** anyway mr boss baby-san

**memejed** : if u ever get inari to post his art online tell him not to use pinterest

**boss baby:** So he'd have to use tumblr? And see cursed shit?

**boss baby:** Wait, nevermind, he sees you almost daily

**boneless:** gdfydfghggsd HOLY SHIT

**memejed:** SHUT UR BITCHASS MOUTH KURUSU

**boss baby:** So you do know my name!

**bakamaki:** it's akira foxfucker meme kurusu, right? c:

**boss baby:** Ann

**memejed:** anniechan ily

**bakamaki:** (hugs futaba and twirls her around) :two_hearts:

**boneless:** aww annie got herself a little sis

**boss baby:** That's my sister, put her down

**bakamaki:** fight me bitch

**bakamaki:** _she is mine now_

**queen:** Guys !

**queen:** Please don ' t fight …

**bakamaki:** oh, hi, haru! c:

**memejed:** first inari steals akiras phone

**memejed:** then haru steals makotos

**memejed:** wtf is this why r u all like this

**boneless:** theyre thieves futaba just like you

**boss baby:** And yusuke didn't steal my phone, i gave it to him willingly. 

**boss baby:** Btw, didn't you steal akechi's phone too?

**memejed:** maybe-so.gif

**bakamaki:** phantom thieves of the phones

**queen:** Ah , you got that wrong … I did not steal Mako - chan ' s phone , I just borrowed it for a second to check this server for the last time before going to sleep …

**boss baby:** Haru, you know you are allowed to admit that you steal and enjoy stealing? You know that, right?

**queen:** This is a bit embarrassing …

**bakamaki:** you made her sad, you heathen >:v

**boneless:** uh oh takamakis gonna curbstomp akira 

**memejed:** i wanna be the temp leader when akira ends up in a hospital

**boneless:** i vote morgana for the leader

**queen:** I vote that cute Persona Aki - kun got a week ago !!

**boss baby:** You mean moloch?

**boss baby:** Haru,

**bakamaki:** haru,

**boneless:** haru,

**memejed:** donkey!!!

 

_ #general _

 

**queen:** What on earth.

**memejed:** maktoto isjts 5am why gtarent yuo alspeep

**queen:** I always get up at five in the morning! And thank goodness I did so today, considering what happened in the imageboard! It would take me literal ages to browse through it!

**memejed:** itiisnnto thahtt bad

**queen:** Five hundred new messages isn't that bad?! Did you sleep at all?!

**memejed:** hherfherferregg

**queen:** Go to sleep, Futaba.

**memejed:** yeshs mokm

**boneless:** mokm

**memejed:** fuck fff

**inari:** Oh dear.

**queen:** Hi, Yusuke.

**inari:** Good morning, Makoto. It seems you are as stumped as I am.

**queen:** Five hundred messages… Did Akira even sleep?

**inari:** Do forgive me, but I have no godly idea.

**queen:** Weren't you two sleeping together?

**inari:** Yes, we were.

**queen:** So how didn't you notice that your partner was awake the entire night?! And Morgana did not notice either?! How on Earth?!

**inari:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**memejed:** inanrirs firiist emoi ji……. a ahitstoricklal momnemt

**queen:** …

**queen:** Futaba, please go to sleep.

**memejed:** fUCK KSELPEE

**queen:** No!

**memejed:** FUCKKS SLEEP  UNTRTIL EXPLODODED

**memejed:** https://i.imgur.com/lPgA4rF.jpg

**inari:** Hm. A truly unfortunate translation.

**queen:** This is it. I'm calling Boss.

**memejed:** waitti fuck  n o 

 

_ #general _

 

**boss baby:** Futaba, you're grounded

**memejed:** eat my dick

**bakamaki:** i don't think he could do that…. :0c

**memejed:** w/e

**boss baby:** Makoto did call boss, but when he came to check up on futaba, she was passed out on her desk

**boss baby:** Weak

**memejed:** i didnt sleep for the last 3 days :upside_down:

**memejed:** call me weak to my face Bitch

**boss baby:** You're double grounded

**memejed:** fits me

**memejed:** i wont have to interact w/ anyone except u losers

**boss baby:** Damn.

**bakamaki:** can't you ground her in leblanc?

**boss baby:** She'd hide under the counter and pretend she's a bag of flour

**memejed:** i would like to be a bag of flour

**memejed:** they dont have to do jack shit

**memejed:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyhs-Lu7y50

**memejed:** me kin id

**bakamaki:** PONIES

**boss baby:** Futaba????

**memejed:** stfu this show is pure and relaxing

**inari:** Hm. Is it bad that I empathize with Futaba's earlier observation?

**boss baby:** Hi darling, and yes, this is bad

**inari:** Oh.

**bakamaki:** heck off, i'd love to be a bag of flour too

**memejed:** u can be one w/ me

**memejed:** inari can be a tree & fuck off

**inari:** What did I even do to you?

**memejed:** u damn well know 

**inari:** But I... don't? It can't be still about these figurines, can it?

**boss baby:** Guys

**memejed:** u will never know

**memejed:** sucks to be u :thinking:

**memejed:** brb i got an idea

**inari:** Oh no.

**bakamaki:** (pulls out my whip) >:c

**boss baby:** Triple grounded

 

_ #voicechat _

 

**memejed:** hey inari

**memejed:** join the voice channel

**inari:** Why?

**memejed:** just do it ok

**boss baby:** Be careful, dear

**memejed:** hehehehe

**memejed:** !join

**Rythm (BOT):** :thumbsup: Joined general :page_facing_up: And bound to voicechat

**inari:** Is that someone new? And why are they speaking in English? I thought this was supposed to be a closed chatroom.

**memejed:** ….

**memejed:** nvm

**memejed:** !play https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaVE4WVlsDQ

**memejed:** _ hehehehehehehehe _

**inari:** NO

**boss baby:** Darling?

**inari:** FUTABA I DID NOTHING TO YOU AND YET YOU ARE LIKE THIS.

**memejed:** die fucker

**memejed:** _ die _

**boss baby:** What is this song

**memejed:** it plays during the ending of that game i showed to inari

**memejed:** anyway the whole scene was so so sad that he angsted real hard

**memejed:** was lowkey fucking sobbing

**inari:** SAYING IT WAS MERELY 'SAD' IS QUITE AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

**boss baby:** Yusuke, turn off the caps and stop being emo

**bakamaki:** this is a p cool song tho owo

**memejed:** u dont know the context 

**memejed:** & u dare to owo

**memejed** : ur no longer a sister of mine takamaki

**bakamaki:** :c

**queen:** All of you are grounded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **bonus**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **boneless:**  
>  hey futaba?? do you play minecraft tho
> 
>  
> 
> **memejed:**  
>  suck my dick
> 
>  
> 
> **boneless:**  
>  ??? that was a honest question jeez
> 
>  
> 
> **black flower:**  
>  20161116_183252.jpg @boss baby#6532 look !!! A cute kitty !!!
> 
>  
> 
> **boss baby:**  
>  Almost as cute as comforting your now-emo boyfriend
> 
>  
> 
> **memejed:**  
>  _  
>  pats myself on the back   
>  _  
>  good job discord user memejed
> 
>  
> 
> **memejed**  
>  : this server turned into some pure fucking chaos
> 
>  
> 
> **memejed:**  
>  nice
> 
>  
> 
> **boss baby:**  
>  I hate this family
> 
>  
> 
> **bakamaki:**  
>  in this house, we all are emo apparently
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> a/n
> 
>   * **cw: anxiety attack discussion, character death discussion, violence mentions, nsfw link,** entirely gratuitous references to a cool-ass lesbian simulator
>   * **comment/kudo if you read/liked owo**
>   * the 'WHY DO YOU KEEP HARASSING ME WITH INDIE POP MUSIC' part was based on what my good friend (*blows them a kiss and a wink*) did to me for like. three weeks. whenever i joined the vc to listen to some tunes, they popped in, queued that song and popped out. heck.
>   * my little pony is a very pleasing show and i'm sure futaba watched it unironically.
>   * yeah ik y'all already read this one but uh tmi but back when i was posting this fic for the First Time i was like. hella depressed and not really giving much shit abt the quality, but now i'm omw to getting better and so are my works c:
> 


**Author's Note:**

>   * so. here it is. my own gc fic. ik it ain't As Funny as other gc fics, but eh, i tried. drank a lot of [coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A655IW0) in the process, but tried.
> 



End file.
